that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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