i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
