Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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