Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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