Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
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He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
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I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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