my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I would fuck him just for his dog
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
