I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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