he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
