yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
