I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
