I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
