did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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