I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
