# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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