he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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