I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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