I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Life is so much better after having sex.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
