Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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