Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
