If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
