it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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