holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
BRING THE BAGELS
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
