How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
