His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize