yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
