Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
