I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I have aggressive nipples.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
