I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
be right there i have to get my cape
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
