You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
we're so committed to being not committed
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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