I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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