i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
