im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
