Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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