Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
