we made out on top of his cat.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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