highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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