i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
