I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
