she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
