either way he was missing a nipple.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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