They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize