please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
