i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
