I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We are two peas in an std pod
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Randomize
