I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize