rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
