I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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