I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
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Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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