Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
