who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
