i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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