apparently the secret to your success is patron
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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