either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
