you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
