It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
