it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
