we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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