it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
