I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Randomize
