I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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