Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
