Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
