He uses pillows to masturbate.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
