Your tits are I can't wait for
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
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Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
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Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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