thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize