Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
