After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You made out with two different species that night
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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