it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
