When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
