i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
