Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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