My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
