I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
