Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
and she was petting her beer can
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
