Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
