Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
