omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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