I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
