Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
did i walk over a car last night?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
