she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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