loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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